You know what it’s like – you did that thing you didn’t want to do. You bit your tongue when you really wanted to speak up. You spent money you didn’t have at someone else’s insistence.
You say things to yourself like – don’t rock the boat; it’s not worth upsetting someone over; it doesn’t really matter if it puts me out; a good person would just do this.
People pleasing. Guilt. Shoulds.
Do this often enough and it starts to feel like you’re being taken advantage of. That you’re looking after everyone else and no-one is looking after you.
It gets more and more annoying to go out of your way. Especially because now it seems like it’s expected.
This leads to resentment.
And resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Not helpful.
So what’s the solution?
Build better boundaries.
Boundaries help you say no when you don’t want to do something. They protect your time and your self-esteem. They will help you realise that you and your time are as important as everyone else’s and they will help you put yourself first – when needed.
Boundaries also help you do this little trick (courtesy of Brene Brown). When you’re tempted to say yes to something you know you want to say no to, repeat to yourself “discomfort over resentment”. Saying no gives a few moments of discomfort now which could save you hours or days of resentment. Definitely worth the trade.
So see where you might start trading long term resentment for short term discomfort.