So you’ve passed the honeymoon phase. You slid through the conflict phase with not too many scrapes and bruises and now you’re in the “I’m kinda comfortable and not putting in too much effort” phase.
I bet you thought the conflict phase was the tricky one.
Well I hate to break it to you but this “comfortable” phase could be the most dangerous for your relationship.
You slop around the house in your daggiest gear. You don’t show excitement when your partner comes home. And you’ve stopped sending cute, love filled texts throughout the day.
Fortunately for you I have the recipe right here.
1 cup of admiration
A handful of surprises
3 tbsp of activities together
A pinch of TV-free talking time
1 Kilo of touch
Combine and bake for a deliciously warm relationship.
*Important note: Carve out time together
Letting your partner know how much they mean to you, how much you love them, the things you like about them – all increases intimacy and trust. And love of course. Who doesn’t like to hear how cool they are!
You can surprise your partner by leaving love notes next to the bed, on the fridge, on their voicemail. Or you can raunch it up by wearing that new lingerie and greeting them at the door. Surprise! I’ll leave the rest of that thought up to you.
Time together is an essential part of building and keeping intimacy. Mix it up a little and do some activities that you don’t usually do. Go for a picnic, plan your dream getaway and actually get away, try out new restaurants, or take a class together. Anything different will spice up the interest and excitement.
TV is a BIG killer of relationships. I recently read that watching TV puts your brain into alpha state which is essentially the same as staring at a wall. And who wants to hang with someone who’s happy staring at a blank wall? Two zombies hanging out together. Not good for building and keeping intimacy. Create a ritual where you spend half hour every day just talking. You can zombie out after you’ve had some talk time.
Did I mention how important time together is? Time together doesn’t have to be a big event. Try things like doing the washing up or the groceries together. Sharing your life together is a really important part of keeping your relationship happy.
And a final bonus ingredient: touch.
Touch is soooo important. Not only does it release oxytocin – the cuddle drug – which makes you feel amazing, touch also conveys love and caring and intimacy. A little touch on the shoulder as you walk past. A hug and a kiss when you come home. Holding hands on the couch. Try to include a bit more of it and see how much better your relationship feels.
Of course there’s lots more you can do but try this simple recipe for now. Let me know if it improves your relationship.