There is so much pressure on relationships these days. We work more, have more stress, have less time for each other, we expect more, and are faced with loads of negative messages about how relationships don’t last. It’s no wonder they can be a bit of a struggle sometimes.
Fortunately, as life has become more demanding (leaving less time for building happy relationships) research has caught up with information on exactly how to build a happy relationship. Awesome, that saves us the hassle of trial and error.
So what is it we need to do?
First of all we need to be best friends. The happiest couples are really good friends. They know what the other person likes, who their friends are, what’s happening at work (or home), and they know what their partner’s hopes and dreams are.
They also put their relationship first.
We also need to be able to argue (or fight) well. Surprisingly, it doesn’t matter how much you fight so long as how you fight is not destructive. Happy, healthy couples fight. But they do it without contempt, defensiveness, or going cold, silent, or distant.
Couples fight because it’s normal to argue when you each have differences in personality, needs, and ideals. Some of these fights will be resolvable and some won’t. Being able to address the won’ts with humour and acceptance means your won’ts won’t be destructive.
We need to build the emotional bank account. The more deposits you have, the more withdrawals your relationship can take. No-one gets it right all the time in a relationship. If we have lots of good memories, loving looks and touches, respondiveness to each other in daily conversations, and times of being there for each other, then we can mess up without hurting the relationship.
We need to see the positive in our partner. If we focus on the positives about our partner and see the good in them, we’re more likely to remember the good things when we’re arguing. If we remember the good things, we’re less likely to show contempt (a sure-fire relationship killer) and we’re more likely to work towards reconciliation. Also, the more you look for the good, the more you find it, making your everyday even happier.
We need to build a couple bubble. Rituals, time just for the two of you, having warm greetings and partings – all these go towards creating a couple bubble and building a strong, safe connection. Your couple bubble is your safe haven in the world, a place you can come and emotionally refuel. Building that is a buffer against stress, health issues, and even physical pain.
If you want to keep your relationship happy and healthy and want the tried and true methods, come join me for my How to Have a Happy, Healthy Relationship program or see me as a couple or individually. I’m always working on my relationship and can personally attest to the benefits of doing it.
Here’s some more about the course:
How to Have a Happy, Healthy Relationship
Starting 18th November for 4 weeks we’ll be covering the essential ingredients for a Happy, Healthy Relationship.
Each week I’ll give you some of the best strategies for making sure your most valuable asset – your relationship with your partner – is the best it can be.
We’ll look at:
- What your attachment style is and how it affects what you do, think and feel in your relationship
- How to fight well (arguments and disagreements are not the problem)
- How to make up during a fight
- What you need to build a ‘couple bubble’
- How to build up the Emotional Bank Account so you’re always in surplus
- How to build and strengthen your connection
Whether you come by yourself or with your partner, you will learn ways to strengthen and improve your relationship. If your relationship is in troubled waters you will learn ways to make it better and safer.
Cost: $160
Rebates: If you have a Mental Health Care Plan you will get a rebate of $21.65 per session ($86.80 total so you only pay $73.40).
Private Health Funds may rebate if you have extras cover.
Time: Tuesdays starting 18th November 6 – 7pm.
I may run a daytime course as well if I have enough people.
Book in now as seats are limited. Each class can only fit 9 people.
Email me: michelle@healgrowtransform.com.au
Or ph: 0404 273 149
