One of my clients (who had worked really hard and made lots of changes in their life) told me this question the other day and I immediately had to steal it for my blog. You know who you are – thank you. They said it was a question that helped instigate change.
The great question: If I had to hang out with myself, would I like it?
Too often we judge our own behaviour based on our interior world only. That means we can feel justified in our what we do because we’re hurt, or angry, or whatever it is we’re feeling.
But if we start thinking about what our behaviour looks like from the outside, things get a little different.
So… nagging because our partner is a lazy slob suddenly doesn’t feel so reasonable. Would I want to hang out with someone who nags all the time?
And how about if I shut off emotionally from my partner? Would I want to hang out with someone who dismissed me or acted like they didn’t care?
More often than not, the things we do that we wouldn’t want to be around, don’t get the response we want anyway. When has nagging made your partner help more around the house? When has the emotional shut down ever made things better in your relationship?
The things we wouldn’t like to hang out with, are things that are often destructive. And things that make us feel bad internally too. Have you ever felt better after a good nag?
So ask yourself if you would like to hang out with you and make a commitment to yourself to change the things you don’t like. Not only will your relationships be better but you will like yourself sooooooo much more.