Comparison makes us judge.
Comparison makes us see ourselves as less than. Or, at best, see ourselves as more than (which strangely doesn’t feel that good).
If we want to get control of comparison, we need to understand what it is and what it does.
There are 2 types of comparison – upward and downward.
With upward comparison we look at people we think are above us in some way and find ourselves lacking. For example, she’s prettier/thinner/more successful than me or he makes more money/is smarter/hotter than me. Therefore I’m not as good.
Upward comparison is a sure fire killer of good self-esteem. We come off as 2nd rate and 2nd best.
Downward comparison is not much better. This is where we look down on others because they have less or seem like less than us and we see ourselves as better or more important. Downward comparison might give a small boost to how good we feel about ourselves but it is temporary. And strangely, while there is a temporary high, being judgemental is something most of us don’t feel good about.
Another unpleasant things about judgement is that we tend to judge others on what we judge the most harshly about ourselves.
If we think we have fat thighs we’ll be especially judgemental of the woman in the short skirt revealing her more shapely thighs because at least she’s larger than us and we get to feel temporarily better.
If we think we haven’t been successful enough we’ll be especially judgemental of the person who tried and failed – because at least they were less successful than us and we get to feel temporarily better.
To feel temporarily better we also need to go to the place inside that judges us first. Then we’re able to make the comparison.
So wouldn’t it just be better to work on not judging ourselves so harshly and trying to avoid comparing ourselves to others?
Can you try a comparison free day?
If you can do that, try building up to a comparison free week.
Let me know how you go.
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